WYSIWYG*

"You think I only think about you
when we're both in the same room
I'm only here to witness
the remains of love exhumed
You think we're here to play
a game of who loves more than whom"
-BareNaked Ladies

I think now is the right time to write in my blog.


It's been a fun-filled few weeks I've had. They say that now is the best part of a relationship: when love is new and thrilling. I always dread that moment in your relationship where your beating heart goes suffers from exhaustion. But what the heck, it's all bullocks. You enjoy the moments when it comes to present itself. And with this certain relationship, baby, the moments just keep on coming like waves crashing onto the Puerto Galera horizon.


I am getting to know this new beau, and he told me about past relationships he's had. Awareness is good; I think I'll just be myself this time. Pleasing guys should not be an effort. I've graduated from BS Efforting the Relationship.


* * * * *


My ex's sister-in-law texted me this evening. She told me that she just found out about our break up. I immediately felt the need to pop open the last bottle of red horse, which I did just now. I told her that I was sorry for not telling her this soon enough provided that my ex wanted to delay breaking the bad news to his family for as much as possible. She even asked why we broke up. I told her that we weren't on the same page anymore. That I put the white flag up. That people change. That it had always nagged me that he always reminded me that if I wanted out, that I just tell him. That there was always this feeling he could do without me anyways. That he changed his existing principles because of me. And of course, that I won't do. That it's my fault, that I am full of sh*t and I just made him hope in us. Crash and burn.

I am probably going to drop by their house when he's not there to say goodbye, out of respect for his family who has been very nice to me, especially his mom. I don't want to look back in the sad past; although they do deserve one last formal goodbye. I feel so bad saying goodbye to them. But I need to continue on in the future. My ex told me that exes are awkward. They are and will be for a long time. I have a lot of good memories with him, sometimes they keep coming back to haunt me. But I know that I'll see them again because I have a godkid to tend to.

* * * * *

I am wondering about this nursing thing. This choice I am making again in my life. Sigurista mode. Mahirap na kasi sa panahon ngayon ang hindi sigurado sa patutunguhan sa buhay. Mukha kang tanga. I have so many requirements to accomplish: transcripts here and there to be evaluated by the world education services, placement exams, advising and tuition (wince*). I am 24 but I don't care. I have to ask my daddy for money. Screw it! I need to get by. Don't worry, I'll find a job asap.

If I was a nurse, I'd be more health-conscious, disciplined and organized. Things I really want to improve on. I would like a job that is steady, war or peace, I'd have a job. It's a humanitarian thing too.

* * * * *

I am drinking alone now, and I put the Red Horse in a mug. Take note that I am tipsy right now (disclaimer). I looked at the mug and saw that it was my old mug from HS that had my Virgo Horoscope on it. Lemme write it down:

Love Life: you are sentimental but hate to reveal it out of fear of rejection. learn to open up and you'll be amazed at the response.

- I am. Carl says that I have this "wall". He told me he found our first conversations archived (yes, he's THAT organized) and probably I was as entertaining as a puddle of mud. It's true, opening up gave me amazing responses over the years. It needs to been done though with caution, Virgos can be proud and do not show their slushy side to just anyone that quick. Who do you think I am, chopped liver?!


Career: once you decide what you want to do, you can move ahead with few detours. your versatility and patience serve you well.

-OK yes, I can perform. I can deliver. I can do what needs to be done in times of need. I am trying to get over this hangover from college, where I tried to be a slacker/crammer. I don't wanna go back to my HS tight ass self, but I demand grace under pressure from myself now. I will use all means to get things done. But if it's not meant to be, it's simply not.

Health: good health is one of your highest priorities. you're in tune with your body and find staying fit easy and enjoyable.

-I find tooth extraction easy and enjoyable. I will dissuade myself from joining the gym again in the future because the results are just disappointing. I am focused on calorie intake now (now that I'm kinda lazy).

Fortune: virgo is the ruler of accounting, so you are likely to have an excellent grasp of finances and good luck with investments.

- I can be.

Friends: you are sensitive and vulnerable. tell your friends how you feel about them and they'll become closer to you.

-I take friends and giving advice with a grain of salt now. I do want to shut up more and listen more. And keep secrets more. It's just easier that way.


My dad told me this morning on our way to Church to love myself more. I understood what he said. Stop being a people pleaser. You'll just suffer in the end. So, WYSIWYG good people. WYSIWYG.



Cheers!



*what you see is what you get.