i'll remember... by madonna

so, nakikinig ako ngayun sa bagong album ni madonna: hard candy. ayus talaga ang beat; nakaka-inspire magsulat kahit inde pormal, masabi lang ang gustong sabihin dito sa blog na 2...

ngayun ang huling araw ko dito sa bahay ng pamilya maandal. isang linggo din akong tumira/tumambay rito. masaya dahil tahimik, simple, at may internet. hahaha. siyempre din dahil kasama ko si carl 'chesco' maandal. madami siyang plano para sa amin at hindi nauubusan ng gagawin.

day 1, monday: sushi overload sa u-yee sushi. overload din sa pagka-hotseat. daming tanong. insatiable. then bestbuy to check out gadgets dahil pareho kaming geeks. then go grocery.

day 2, tuesday: sinundo ako nina james at christine at ipinasyal nila ako sa menlo park mall. masaya silang kasama. all we talk about is sealed with "lipjass!" then ches and i went to christine's bake shop where we pre-ordered pandesal for the flip fest on sunday. we went to the filipino store next door where the kahera wanted to barter a filipino flag sticker with me for some 2 cans of guyabano juice. fun fun. :D

day 3, wednesday: we went to franz' house to pick him up to go bowling. i talked to his mom and met dianelle, his sis. ansaya sa brunswick zone! i got 2 strikes. yay...most ive ever gotten in life. lol. jp was there too. kakaibang bowler. in-your-face whatever style.

day 4, thursday: christine and james picked me up after lunch to go the jackson outlets. which was huge, like the tangier outlets in maryland. i bought a watch because i couldnt rely on cellphone time for the rest of my life and nag-sale sa calvin klein, half off on brassiere. then we stopped over at the applegate farms to pick up homemade icecream. we also detoured to freehold raceway mall, very sosyal. whenever you see a lord & taylor dept store at the entrance you know the mall's gonna be bigtime. ganda ng designer clothing store na Ruehl. kung hollister ang intro brand, abercrombie and fitch ang midlevel brand of clothing...ruehl ang hi end. the stores lighting and design inspired me for the interior design of my house in the future. hehe. then we got home at 10pm. went straight to the kitchen where the chicken was waiting...taught ches how to make adobo. and he saw how easy it was. :D


day 5 is today friday, im just gonna relax and be there for beh when he gets home, before we go to 1st friday mass at BLD. can't wait to see my co-participants ng Singles Encounter 20 aka SE XX. lol.

x x x x x

I'm finding peace with God's love. And of course, yeah - I'm loving it.

skyped

(dut dut dut...) it's all fun.

WYSIWYG*

"You think I only think about you
when we're both in the same room
I'm only here to witness
the remains of love exhumed
You think we're here to play
a game of who loves more than whom"
-BareNaked Ladies

I think now is the right time to write in my blog.


It's been a fun-filled few weeks I've had. They say that now is the best part of a relationship: when love is new and thrilling. I always dread that moment in your relationship where your beating heart goes suffers from exhaustion. But what the heck, it's all bullocks. You enjoy the moments when it comes to present itself. And with this certain relationship, baby, the moments just keep on coming like waves crashing onto the Puerto Galera horizon.


I am getting to know this new beau, and he told me about past relationships he's had. Awareness is good; I think I'll just be myself this time. Pleasing guys should not be an effort. I've graduated from BS Efforting the Relationship.


* * * * *


My ex's sister-in-law texted me this evening. She told me that she just found out about our break up. I immediately felt the need to pop open the last bottle of red horse, which I did just now. I told her that I was sorry for not telling her this soon enough provided that my ex wanted to delay breaking the bad news to his family for as much as possible. She even asked why we broke up. I told her that we weren't on the same page anymore. That I put the white flag up. That people change. That it had always nagged me that he always reminded me that if I wanted out, that I just tell him. That there was always this feeling he could do without me anyways. That he changed his existing principles because of me. And of course, that I won't do. That it's my fault, that I am full of sh*t and I just made him hope in us. Crash and burn.

I am probably going to drop by their house when he's not there to say goodbye, out of respect for his family who has been very nice to me, especially his mom. I don't want to look back in the sad past; although they do deserve one last formal goodbye. I feel so bad saying goodbye to them. But I need to continue on in the future. My ex told me that exes are awkward. They are and will be for a long time. I have a lot of good memories with him, sometimes they keep coming back to haunt me. But I know that I'll see them again because I have a godkid to tend to.

* * * * *

I am wondering about this nursing thing. This choice I am making again in my life. Sigurista mode. Mahirap na kasi sa panahon ngayon ang hindi sigurado sa patutunguhan sa buhay. Mukha kang tanga. I have so many requirements to accomplish: transcripts here and there to be evaluated by the world education services, placement exams, advising and tuition (wince*). I am 24 but I don't care. I have to ask my daddy for money. Screw it! I need to get by. Don't worry, I'll find a job asap.

If I was a nurse, I'd be more health-conscious, disciplined and organized. Things I really want to improve on. I would like a job that is steady, war or peace, I'd have a job. It's a humanitarian thing too.

* * * * *

I am drinking alone now, and I put the Red Horse in a mug. Take note that I am tipsy right now (disclaimer). I looked at the mug and saw that it was my old mug from HS that had my Virgo Horoscope on it. Lemme write it down:

Love Life: you are sentimental but hate to reveal it out of fear of rejection. learn to open up and you'll be amazed at the response.

- I am. Carl says that I have this "wall". He told me he found our first conversations archived (yes, he's THAT organized) and probably I was as entertaining as a puddle of mud. It's true, opening up gave me amazing responses over the years. It needs to been done though with caution, Virgos can be proud and do not show their slushy side to just anyone that quick. Who do you think I am, chopped liver?!


Career: once you decide what you want to do, you can move ahead with few detours. your versatility and patience serve you well.

-OK yes, I can perform. I can deliver. I can do what needs to be done in times of need. I am trying to get over this hangover from college, where I tried to be a slacker/crammer. I don't wanna go back to my HS tight ass self, but I demand grace under pressure from myself now. I will use all means to get things done. But if it's not meant to be, it's simply not.

Health: good health is one of your highest priorities. you're in tune with your body and find staying fit easy and enjoyable.

-I find tooth extraction easy and enjoyable. I will dissuade myself from joining the gym again in the future because the results are just disappointing. I am focused on calorie intake now (now that I'm kinda lazy).

Fortune: virgo is the ruler of accounting, so you are likely to have an excellent grasp of finances and good luck with investments.

- I can be.

Friends: you are sensitive and vulnerable. tell your friends how you feel about them and they'll become closer to you.

-I take friends and giving advice with a grain of salt now. I do want to shut up more and listen more. And keep secrets more. It's just easier that way.


My dad told me this morning on our way to Church to love myself more. I understood what he said. Stop being a people pleaser. You'll just suffer in the end. So, WYSIWYG good people. WYSIWYG.



Cheers!



*what you see is what you get.

queen bee

fantastic!

balisong

hati akong magladlad ng aming umpisa; bagamat ang lahat ay nangyari sa isang iglap, isang tingin, isang tibok at waring hindi kailanman magiging totoo hangga't hindi kami nagkikita. dalawa lang naman yun eh: oo o hindi. sa dami- dami ng hinihindian, may isang nakakalusot. at siya yun.

tawagin mo ng 'timing.' kahit lito ang itinerary ko sa buhay, hindi na ito mawawala sa aking sistema ang paiba-iba ng lugar na itinatahak. obvious naman na may hinahanap ako at maraming naging game plans at editing ang naganap pero wala rin. walang nagtugma sa buhay ko, walang nakapagbigay ng pagkakuntento sa akin. marami nang daang dinaanan, pintong binuksan at sinaradong muli, maletang ikinaladkad at inihagis sa conveyor belt, sandamakmak na boarding pass, pero sa huli, hindi ko pa rin nararating ang aking destinasyon. buong buhay natin, naghihintay tayo ng timing. oportunidad. maglalakas loob na akong magsabi na: sana ito na nga ang para sa akin.

nakikinita ko na. ipinagdasal. nararamdaman na rin. marami ang mangyayari sa akin sa loob ng taong ito. ngayun pa man, desidido na ako sa lahat. wala na dapat ikatakot dahil kasama natin Siya. at hindi ko kailanman malilimutan ang aking mga kaibigan na nariyan sa hirap at ginhawa.

ches, tara na. :)

for red green

i cant believe i killed you.
trapt in an embrace that never ended.
left you hanging for nothing.
everything ends in a period now.

i will get to see him grown one day.

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